well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
