I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Randomize
