I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
