Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
