We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
