Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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