I love black thongs
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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