In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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