people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
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The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
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Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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