I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
