what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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