he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize