So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
