i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
