Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
