Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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