thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
sarcasm needs its own font
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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