Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
