he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
