I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
