I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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