In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
