Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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