are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
