I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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