i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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