she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
