We're like a lot better than the average bears
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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