high people should be assigned attendants
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
