you didnt know i had herpes?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Randomize
