If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
