I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
