After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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