I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Hippo gnu deer
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
