there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
PANTIES FOUND
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