I think i sorta joined a cult last night
there's paper in my vomit.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
