Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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