I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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