Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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