"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
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