Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
