Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
