Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
