somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
