I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
