i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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