I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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