C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
