Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae