So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
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there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
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Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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