I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.