Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
These 25 Teachers Said Horrible Things to Their Students
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old