Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
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shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
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Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂