hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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