Texts From Last Night

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  (937): View more from Ohio

  was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?

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  (937): was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"? http://tfl.nu/gea9
  Replies (16) Good night (954) Bad night (3293)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles

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  (412): i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles http://tfl.nu/39eh
  Replies (19) Good night (4425) Bad night (621)
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  (563): View more from Iowa

  My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.

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  (563): My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night. http://tfl.nu/lmn5
  Replies (14) Good night (1330) Bad night (4401)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.

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  (540): Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply. http://tfl.nu/723h
  Replies (20) Good night (5335) Bad night (1062)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.

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  (519): So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok. http://tfl.nu/j1n1
  Replies (7) Good night (5301) Bad night (927)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.

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  (908): I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool. http://tfl.nu/5y98
  Replies (13) Good night (2113) Bad night (3908)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.

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  (815): Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool. http://tfl.nu/9aum
  Replies (12) Good night (3208) Bad night (1074)
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."

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  (605): You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times." http://tfl.nu/zubu
  Replies (6) Good night (2597) Bad night (752)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.

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  (720): I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom. http://tfl.nu/lin9
  Replies (4) Good night (537) Bad night (1722)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.

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  (609): Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good. http://tfl.nu/lsij
  Replies (3) Good night (1277) Bad night (547)
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  (239): View more from Florida

  And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok

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  (239): And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok http://tfl.nu/c91w
  Replies (1) Good night (878) Bad night (473)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.

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  (+61): He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it. http://tfl.nu/xk8c
  Replies (2) Good night (897) Bad night (282)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..

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  (720): Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now.. http://tfl.nu/5bpm
  Replies (0) Good night (305) Bad night (454)
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  (315): View more from New York

  I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night

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  (315): I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night http://tfl.nu/e9r3
  Replies (1) Good night (355) Bad night (498)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month

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  (540): I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month http://tfl.nu/lnqv
  Replies (3) Good night (422) Bad night (231)

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