Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.