so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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