woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
this just has baby written all over it
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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