I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
