Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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