if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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