go do what you do best...puke behind churches
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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