wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
