i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
