I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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