Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Randomize
