Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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