We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
there is glitter all over my balls
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize