she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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