I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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