Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
