i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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