what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
