Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
