I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize