My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
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