are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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