I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
