Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
