U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
