She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
That was before I lit my hair on fire
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
