It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
