Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Randomize
