With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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