Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
