you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
