I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
