Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
