never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
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