sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
