It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
